Hear Our Voice - Do you know

Do you know that if a parent is emotionally abusing his children he can ...

a)legally prevent his victims from getting help by simply stating that it is unnecessary. The only recourse is to obtain a court order.

b)prevent a referral from the children’s medical professional because both parents have to agree on any medical treatment.

c)thwart investigations of child abuse where credible impartial professional experts are required counter he said/she said evidence. The abuser can refuse access for these experts to the children.

Abused Children have no legal recourse

The fundamental problem with family law when it concerns narcissistic abuse of children by one parent is that the default separation status is joint parenting.

Joint parenting default assumes that both parents are always putting the interests of the children front and center. If one parent is bent on narcissistic abuse of their child to “get back at the other parent” the best interests of the child no longer applies. The problem is that the law is incapable of distinguishing between these parenting scenarios.

Even if a child is describing abuse at the hands of one parent this “evidence” is treated as “he said, she said” and doesn’t meet the legal bar for admissible even to child services (CAS). There is almost no scenario where narcissistic abuse can meet this evidence bar. No credible witnesses. No independent professional opinion. Furthermore if the non abusive parent asks for a mental health professional to assist the abused child, the abusive parent can simply refuse to give permission. It gets worse. Even if a separation agreement can be negotiated with “permission” for help for the abused child, the abusive parent can withdraw that permission at any time and the agreement cannot be legally enforced.

The solution has to go back to the default joint parenting. This cannot be allowed to stand as the default in situations of abuse or the abused kids are “screwed”.

The default position for family law is co-parenting. Unfortunately this option does not work if one of the parents exhibits narcissistic behaviour. Co-parenting assumes that both parents are putting the needs of children first. A narcissist is all about themselves and control.

What needs to change is for family law to allow for the solution known as parallel parenting in cases above. Unfortunately this means that joint decision making can’t be the default position for the law. A narcissist will use this joint decision making to obstruct and control. The assumption that a discussion is followed by rational decision making in the best interests of the children is simply not possible.

“Co-parenting can be a challenge, but if your ex is a narcissist, it may feel impossible.”

Reference https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/custody/special-circumstances/co-parenting-with-narcissist.php

“What Is Parallel Parenting? Plus, Creating a Plan That Works”

Reference

https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/parallel-parenting

“Co-Parenting With a Narcissist: The Impossible Dream

Sharing custody with a narcissist is a challenging, frustrating struggle.”

Reference:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/love-in-the-age-narcissism/202107/co-parenting-narcissist-the-impossible-dream?amp